Motherhood, Actually

In the blogosphere, I don’t talk about my family often. In fact, at events, people are often astounded when I tell them that I have three kids between the ages of five and ten. Motherhood is easily the most important element of my sense of self as an adult. It requires a Herculean amount of effort to do the job as well as I want to, daily, without any breaks - which is not a thinly veiled attempt to garner any praise or credit, but simply the truth - and I put my heart and soul into it. I think all mothers do.

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There’s quite a movement in social media to be more “real” about things. Here I am without any makeup! Here are my untouched stretch marks! Look at my messy, unstaged kitchen! It doesn’t resonate with me at all. On one hand, it feels very much born out of vanity, or worse, insecurity. Who are all of these people that need so much external validation for who they are or the life they are living? It’s often couched in terms of relatability, but in all earnestness, who among us doesn’t know that everyone has a highlight reel as well as a daily life that is far less glamorous?

I’m here for a healthy dose of escapism, and I’d like to think that I can be pretty authentic and relatable while I’m at it. I get to see my messy kitchen every morning and it’s really not worth sharing. I’d rather spend time discussing what’s on my mind.

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Some day, my kids will grow up and they will live their own lives. They won’t need me as intensely as they do right now. I’ll do more yoga, and my kitchen won’t be perpetually messy. My life will probably always revolve around them.  And my blog probably always will not. But here they are today taking the online spotlight briefly, because I love them powerfully and cannot imagine life without the richness, depth, and intensity they represent.

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Thanks for reading! Happy Sunday.


Photos by Bryant Truong

On me: Reformation dress // On Sergio: Banana Republic slacks and shirt // On Amanda: J.Crew dress (similar) // On Ruby: J.Crew dress (last season) // On Romeo: Gap jeans and J.Crew shirt

Resolutions

I’ve always been very action-oriented. My therapist says it’s one of my defining characteristics. She’s the best. I don’t feel like I need to wait until January to start resolutions. I usually start them on the spot, year round. I don’t know if this is better or worse than focusing on starting them at one particular time of year. My therapist says that another one of my defining characteristics is a desire to evaluate everything. So actually, maybe it doesn’t really matter which resolution starting process is better. Anyway!

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I wrote this post recently about how the Camp Fire in Paradise made me reflect on what is good in my life. Not so long after I wrote it, we adopted two kittens and a puppy from local shelters in a single weekend. Talk about action-oriented. Of course I was worried that this decision would complicate my life in so many unforeseen ways. I mean baby animals are the cutest. I could watch those kittens chase a toy jellyfish on a stick for hours upon hours. And that puppy - my gosh - what a sweetheart she is. On the other hand, let’s be honest. Pets are a ton of work, and multiple, new, young pets are the most possible work. But guess what? I’s actually been awesome.

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Believe it or not, my life feels decided uncomplicated now. I am so not sweating the small stuff. We’ve been eating healthier dinners, going to bed earlier, getting out the front door more consistently on time, and just generally feeling happier. Life is so much fuller, and somehow, I’ve finally stopped rushing around everywhere. I’m finally not in a hurry. Eliminating the compelling feeling that I have to always be moving fast to get everything the day needs me to get done was a resolution I set for myself a few months ago. And it had remained frustratingly elusive to achieve until quite recently. AllI needed, it seems, was to recalibrate in a way that would really force me to stop sweating the small stuff entirely.

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Happy Sunday! Thanks for reading. Best of luck with your upcoming (or ongoing) resolutions.


Anthropologie sweater (last season) // Citizens of Humanity jeans // Vince Camuto boots (old) // Free People earrings

One Art

Good morning! I’m writing this post as I nurse the first cold of winter. I had to decline several events I had really been looking forward to, including a poetry reading by a dear longtime colleague and friend. I’m sharing this beautiful set, which is the first in a series I shot with both my husband @tacticalme and my sweet friend @kayhadrin.photo at Mission Loft in San Francisco.

Instead of my own words, I’m sharing one of my favorite poems, which feels just right today.

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The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

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Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

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Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

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I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

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I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

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—Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

-Elizabeth Bishop


As ever, thanks for reading! xx, Rebecca