No Bra Island

Are we tired of my Simpsons references? Sure hope not. And the oblique ones are even more inaccessible, since it was originally about pants, not bras. Entire tomes could be written. Not sure if I spelled that correctly because I think I did but I got an autocorrect. Tomes. Yeah, I’m usually a pretty good speller.  

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All the 20 somethings are having this no-bra moment. I love it! It’s sexy and harkens back to an important cultural pivot point. But frankly, I’m not up for it. I drive a car with pretty stiff suspension and I’ve breastfed children for two full years. Hand me a bra, please. I’ll nonchalantly rage against the machine some other way.  

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I remember when I first started college. I was the only girl in my major (environmental studies) who did not have dreadlocks and hemp shoes and smell like patchouli. I remember having this moment where I realized that superficial shit is just that. I’ve decicated my entire professional career to sustainability and I do wear a bra. Let’s complicate the narrative, shall we?

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Relatedly, (or not?) anyone with kids knows how hard leisure reading is. I’m finally more than ten pages into the NOFX biography and it is worth every moment it takes to read through it. Pour yourself a stiff drink first, though. This one might hurt going down.  

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Gracias por leer, amigos.  

You and Your Issues

I figured out recently that I have a sensory issue. That means I kind of self diagnosed using the Internet, but whatever. I always knew I did not enjoy amplified sound or any type of single-sense deprivation (darkness, for example). And that I really dislike the way synthetic fabrics feel. But I didn’t know that these experiences were classifiable. What a relief that they are. Now I can deal with it all. 

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I really love everything about this suit except for the way it feels. Green and white plaid! A-line skirt! Major cloverleaf lapels! But it’s a very 1960s polyester and it just itches me beyond belief. Like get me OUT of here. 

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I kind of threw that auditory issue in the mix like it’s nbd but tbh (haha) I have only been to the movie theater once in the past decade. It’s that bad. 

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I sound like I’m issue city but really this is kind of the only big one. And considering I did go to the movies recently (that one time in ten years was like a month ago) and I’m standing here in polyester, I’d say I’m handling the situation pretty well. 

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Cheers to you and your issues, whatever they may be! 

If You Have Kids

There’s a funny story about this swimsuit, and on the verge of sharing it, I realized that it’s mostly about my kids. Which is basically all you think about / write about / talk about / post about if you’re a parent. Single people highlight vacations and dining experiences. Couples often obsess over pets. Once you’re a parent, nothing else matters. I’m exaggerating. Ok, I’m not. 

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I really wanted this Agent Provocateur swimsuit a couple years ago and I needed to trek up to San Francisco to try it on and get it in the store at a great sale price. That’s basically as complicated as gold medaling in the Olympics if you have three kids and a full time job. I took my two older girls up to the City and we made a nice outing of it. Trolley car line was way too long for my pace, so I told them Muni was “just as fun” and we rode a couple stops on the underground section. I’m such a fun mom! 

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When we got to Agent Provocateur, I found the swimsuit and took the girls into the velvet cloaked,  whiskey goblet accessorized, decadently wallpapered dressing room that is so very much the AP standard. I started undressing to try on the swimsuit, and my middle child yelled “oh my god mommy why are you taking off your clothes in a store?!” At which point I realized that all her clothes had either been hand-me-downs or Target buys and she’d never been in a dressing room in her life. 

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We learned about more than Muni that day. And I got this killer swimsuit at a great price. 

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Happy Wednesday, readers.