Coping

Today, I don’t think we need to talk about who we believe and who we do not believe. Because those two teams are pretty well established. And the one you’ve decided you are on is likely informed by a veritable ocean of values and experiences, all of which are intensely personal, and, at times, quite polarizing. In other words, there isn’t a lot of switching teams in situations like these, so trying to convert the players can be a total exercise in futility.

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I do think, however, a good use of time is figuring out how to therapeutically, usefully, move on from how it feels to be on the team that lost, and more importantly, what to do with the smoldering embers that sort of painful loss can leave inside your heart and soul. The obvious advice is to get out and vote - which I have done faithfully in every election since I turned 18 and Joseph Lieberman was running for Senate in my home state of Connecticut. But my truest belief is that the pendulum of politics just swings and swings. Sometimes my votes work out and sometimes they don’t. To be honest, I think voting with your dollars every time you make a decision about what to purchase and what to leave at the store (and even what store to shop at in the first place) can be as powerful as going to the polls. But make no mistake - get out and vote.

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I spent the day with my sister yesterday, and was with her when we got the news about the Supreme Court confirmation. It’s helpful to have a sister who is a therapist, and it’s helpful to be with a therapist when you get bad news. “How do you cope with this type of terrible news?” I asked her. “How do you deal with it so you can move on with you life and not feel like you’re ignoring a huge problem?”

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My sister and I can both be a bit German in our warmth, if you know what I mean. “Look,” she told me, “we already know that the world does not take rape in any of its forms or iterations seriously, so there’s no use in getting worked up about that part. At times like these, I try to return to what is the most basic truth. We will all be faced with ourselves, alone, on our death beds. I know that I personally have lived my life according to the ethics and values I believe in, and when I face my last moment, I will take comfort in my own freedom of spirit. People who do horrible things will not have this same freedom, and what really matters more than that?”

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We cannot solve any large problem in a single try, and we must often agree to accept non-closure as a part of the process. Peace to all of your spirits, and happy Sunday.


Tods loafers // American Apparel skirt // Frame shirt (old season) // Celine sunglasses // Chanel jacket (vintage)

Double Standards

As much as I like to get creative / expressive about how I dress during my free time, I’ve been learning more and more toward the “outfit uniform” concept for work. And this week feels like an especially timely point to discuss what tipped the scale toward “just do it” (wait, is that phrase taken?).

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I have a lot to think about at work that has nothing to do with fashion. As much as I enjoy getting dressed, like cooking, I really only enjoy it when I can afford the time to slow down and enjoy it. Which isn’t typically on workday mornings. I subconsciously started dressing in a quasi-uniform fashion earlier this year. First I bought this jacket, then these shoes, then these pants. It was actually a conversation that emerged out of the most recent purchase, the pants, that really made me think.

I told a friend that I’d nearly started dressing in a uniform for work and I really liked the way it was so easy. Plus I liked what I was wearing every day, and I was saving time! “For a guy,” he said, “that would be normal. But for a girl, that just seems…weird.” While I appreciate his candid reaction, it certainly revealed a pretty serious double standard for the physical appearances of men and women in the workplace. Men have to look presentable. Women have to look presentable AND INTERESTING IN A WAY THAT VARIES FROM DAY TO DAY.

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Nothing brings out the defiant side of me like feeling the invisible hand of The Patriarchy trying to keep me in a prescribed box. You can see me in a pretty dress and heels when I feel like it, and most likely, that won’t be at work, because what the hell does that have to do with the quality of my professional output?

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Thanks for reading! Happy Sunday!


Reformation dress // Celine sunglasses // Tory Burch shoes (old)

Evolution

I dug up the old byline of this blog from when I first started it to see if I’ve been true to my original vision (not that I am by any means averse to the process of evolution. Let’s please evolve! But let’s not do so without some sensible guidance). With that, let’s move along to the original byline, which was “proper by day, glam by night.”

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This is as core to my sartorial (do we just hate that word by now? Like a cool song ruined by too many call-in requests on the radio) preferences now as it was when I started. Parenthetical asides seem also to be as core to my literary preferences now as when I started, by the way.

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A good friend of mine described to me once how she sees healthy evolution in a romantic relationship. “It’s like there’s a very flexible elastic band binding the two of you together,” she explained, “and it can accommodate either person stretching quite a ways in his or her own direction before it starts to develop any tension. And the tension should just very gently bring the one who has gone so far slightly back on course, so both of the individuals can grow, and the relationship grow, too.”

It’s the best advice I’ve ever received about how to participate in a relationship, and it has served me well not only in evaluating the process of my life with my husband, but also my children, my friends, my colleagues, and even this blog.

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Here’s to evolving, while also staying true to what really matters. Thanks for reading, and happy Sunday, everyone!


Vintage Catherine Regehr dress // Thrifted clutch (no brand) // Kate Spade boots // J.Crew earrings (last season) // Miansai cuff (similar)