I had this really useful conversation with my husband yesterday. We were talking about judgement and how casually people sling it around.
I told him that I had a conversation with another parent recently and over the course of our discussion, realized that we had zero parenting philosophies or strategies in common. The old, knee jerk internal reaction would have been to judge all the ways this parent was doing it wrong. However, I dug a little deeper past that initial reaction, and considered where the other parent was coming from. This person (a father, not a mother, but not a detail I consider terribly important) loves his kids. He loves them a lot! He thinks through all the ways that he decides to raise them. He's been informed by his own walk through life, just as I've been informed by mine.
He doesn't have to do it my way, any more than I have to do it his way. That isn't anything relevatory. But what feels newer and better to me is to let go of the constant urge to evaluate that difference of opinion and assign "better" and "worse" labels to each side's decision making. In that single conversation, I let go of that judgmental impulse previously residing inside of me much the same way you could release a helium balloon and watch it gently float toward the highest height (rough analogy for an environmentalist, but a handy one).
After describing this freeing process to by husband, he pointed out that we were having a sort of meta-moment, where we were kind of judging judgmental people as being less than those who had broken free of that habit. It's a good point, but I'm not too worried. There's room for caring, constructive judgement in life. Your boss gives it to you. You give it to your spouse and your kids and your dear friends. But the intention is to be helpful, not to create some sort of cruel totem pole of winners on the top and losers on the bottom. Intention and context mean a lot.
Good luck breaking free of your own worst habits. And if you decide not to change at all, I'm not judging.
American Eagle Outfitters hat (old) // Chanel top (vintage) // Amour Vert shorts (sample sale) // Clarks sandals (old)